Love Language

After reading Chis' new entry in her blogsite (www.mommyjourney.com)about Communicating in your Child's Love Language, I was made to analyze each of my children's unique expression of love. It's truly amazing to find out how different their love language is. I made a recollection of moments with my children that I can never forget and examine each one's type of love expression...

...my first born, Justin is the type who perceieves love through acts of service. I notice that everytime I prepare his meals, put him to sleep, fix his toys, help him with his schoolwork, he always flashes a smile that really warms & melts my heart, then he will hug me tightly & say "Thank you, Mama. I know that you love me because you are doing all of these for me!" Whenever I hear him say these two lines, I really cannot think of anything to say, so I'll just embrace him tightly...I know this action tells him how right he is, that I truly love him very much. Even without saying it, I know that Justin understands everything I want to say! In return, I know that whenever he does something for me, like helping me with my chores or volunteering to do simple errands or just simply behaving...he is saying "I love you" without words. Now, I realized how to communicate love well with my son.

...my daughter, Angelica, on the otherhand, is one who needs to constantly hear compliments & receive gifts to let her feel that we love her. But I also see that Angelica is a very thoughtful child & very sweet. She is fond of making simple cards for everybody in the family even if there is no special occasion. In her cards, she expresses her love...there is always the words: I love you! So, I believe that Angelica's primary love language is gifts. She also loves to hear us say how pretty she looks & asks me all the time if she did well in activities like in her swimming class, in her drawings & scrap arts. She, in return is generous in giving compliments to people close to her. So she also has a love language of words of affirmation.

I agree with Mr. Gary Chapman that a child may likely express love in the language he desires most to receive.

Thanks, Chris for sharing this important and interesting topic in Parenting... by reading & understanding the different child's language of love will somehow make it easier for parents like us to understand our children & be able to let them feel love in ways that they can easily understand.

Help me discipline my kids...

" If you are a parent, recognize that it is the most important calling and rewarding challenge you have."
- Marion Wright Edelman


Yesterday morning, I was surprised by my daughter's behavior, she was irritable, shouting at & blaming her nanny for being frustrated about something...she wasn't her usual self. I got upset & couldn't control myself from scolding for such misbehavior.I couldn't forget how she looked at me...I was not so sure if it was a look of fear, pain or confusion. This suddenly reminded me of what I learned from the various books on discipline. I treasure the lessons I got from "Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking" by Jerry Wyckoff & Barbara Unell.

It is a beautifully written book that shows how to teach appropriate behavior & to raise kind, resilient, & caring children. The authors proved that the truly effective discipline is all about education, not punishment. It has taught me practical ways on how employ plenty of common sense & a lot of love to teach my children invaluable life lessons.

I realized that maybe I was preoccupied with my patients' medical problems that's why I have forgotten to take care of my own domestic distress. I reviewed the "pearls" I collected from this indispensable book. So, I sat back & reviewed the book that has been resting on my bookshelf for a couple of years. It felt like I find so much relief whenever I read this book...it has been my allay in shaping my children's behavior.

I want to share with you the priceless "pearls" :

The ABC's of Disciplined Parenting

* Decide on the specific behavior you would like to change.
...if you focus on specifics rather than abstracts, you'll manage better

* Praise your child's behavior.
...don't praise your child, but rather praise what she is doing; focus your praise or disapproval on your child's behavior, because that is what you're interested in managing.

* Continue the praise as long as the new behavior needs that support.
...praise motivates your child to continue behaving appropriately

* Try to avoid power struggles with your children.
...use techniques like Beat-the-clock ( a motivational technique that uses your child's competetive nature to encourage her to complete tasks on your timetable )
...this reduces parent-child conflicts because it transfers authority to a neutral figure e.g. a timer

* Be there.
...you don't have to be with your child every minute of every day
...just remember that your childr needs fairly constant supervision; pay close attention so that any misbehavior won't go unnoticed or uncorrected

* Avoid being a historian.
...leave bad behavior to history and don't keep bringing it up because this will just constantly remind your child of his mistakes leading to resentment & the likelihood of bad behavior

* Spanking & Shouting are counterproductive
...they never teach appropriate behavior
...all degrees of shouting & spanking give the child the wrong kind of attention
...they are punishments that simply drive bad behavior underground: it stops the behavior from happening in front of parents, but it does not stop it altogether
...they will just help the children become experts at not getting caught
...children see the world in concrete terms, they will assume that hitting must be permissible because their parents are doing it to them...HITTING BEGETS HITTING, as well as anger, revenge & breakdown of communication between parents & children.
...NO POSITIVE consequences result from spanking

* The most important factor in building and maintaining empathy in children is respecting their individuality by modeling empathy.

* Practice Self-talk
...defined as what people say to themselves that governs their behavior

These are the practical tips in raising responsible, self-sufficient & empathetic children. I hope you find these useful in your own household. I'm sure all of us parents have encountered ( or will encounter ) parenting conflicts in our lives & some of us thought that by spanking or shouting we could control our children & teach them that we are in authority & we have more power over them, therefore their own feelings were commonly ignored...we sometimes forget to respect our children's competence & individuality! Before we solve our children's behavioral problems, we have to resolve our own attitude dilemma... we need to have self-control & self sufficiency. We should model the kind of behavior we want to teach.

I hope you'll find this helpful, Che! I know that you still have a long way to go...but the preschool age is the most demanding & challenging stage! Good luck!

What Am I To My Children?

I am a Mom for almost 9 years now, and it was only last night while I was sitting in my office that I gave these a thought: What am I to my children? How do my kids perceive me as a parent...as a mother? Do we have the same level of perception?

I want my children to look at me as a place where they can find comfort, someone they can TRUST. The simple gesture of giving my hands for them to reach out and grasp, singing lullabies & cuddling them while putting them to sleep or just being by their side to calm them when they're upset are my ways of showing them that they need not be afraid to come to me because I am their Mom, their comforter!

I want them to look at me as someone whom they can lean on... their Mom whose heart always understands & doesn't judge. I shall be their source of wisdom & model of noble conduct. I have to be their strength when they are weakened by the countless tribulations they will encounter in their lives. I am the source of loving advice. They need me to guide them in their journey to the mysterious & bewildering paths of life. I'll be their untiring Mom...who wishes to give them the best of everything.

All of the things I have done for them are a reflection of my unbounding LOVE. I hope that in my children's eyes, they could see me as the parent whom I ought to be!

World's Greatest Kid

This page is especially dedicated to my dearest son, Justin Cedric. I wrote a letter for him to describe my feelings from the moment we had him as a cute & chubby baby boy until now that he is 9 years old...recounting the happiness in my heart as I see him grow up...he is still my cool li'l dude! Honestly, I dread the day when Justin will fully metamorphose into a young man...I was thinking, could I still hug and kiss him even in front of other people?...would he still enjoy my company in horsing around, playing computer games, doing art works, reading together (with me as the listener), posing for his mom's seemingly endless photo ops for my scrapbooking?...all of these are racing through my mind as I witness his transformation day by day. How I wish that I could hold the ticking of the clock so that he'll continue to be my dear "baby boy" for a longer time...I love him so much...I hope I have made him feel all of these affection I have in my heart for him. I could never stop loving him...You are my life, my everything...my dearest son!

God blessed me with two angels who transformed my forlorn life into a blissful one. These two adorable angels came one after the other. The first to come was my 2K baby, Justin Cedric. He was our first blessing...he never gave me sleepless nights because he never (yes, never!!!) cried during wee hours. I was amazed everytime I woke up & to find him just cooing & playing by himself inside his crib. He was so well-behaved!
Then came Angelica Ysabelle after 2 years of anticipation...after enduring abortions twice, God finally blessed us with a great gift! It was a difficult pregnancy, I had to have daily every 6 hours of heparin injections (thank goodness for the heplocks, because I loathe being pierced so often, it's not fun, you know!). Even if I had lots of apprehensions with its use, I had no choice but to have them if I wanted to keep Angelica. I couldn't afford to lose her, she could be my last chance! Giving birth to her was such an ecstatic experience ( setting aside the fears that I had in my mind about the complications of the birthing itself & the use of heparin, fearing that I could bleed so much because of it ). But the joy was replaced by another anxiety because we had to leave her at the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit until her jaundice subsided. It was a heart-breaking experience for me. All that I could do was to call up the hospital frequently for the updates regarding her progress & visit her as often as we could. Finally, we took her home after 5 days. She was a fussy but a cutie baby. She often had bouts of hysterical cries at night ( either because she was hungry or just wanted to play with mom! ). I called her my "attention-seeker-fussy" baby girl while Justin was the "cool li'l dude".
I love how both of them turned my world upside down in a whimsical way. They both made my life so wonderful & complete! I thank God for His blessings...the two greatest gifts that came from Him!

My angels

I believe that God sent me two angels who will keep my life beautiful & full of happiness. These angels came one after the other and transformed my somber life into a blissful one. Justin Cedric came first, he is a 2K baby...so chubby & cute. He never gave me sleepless nights because he never cried during wee hours, I was amazed by how good he was...I would wake up in the morning & find him just cooing & playing by himself. He was so considerate, never a fuss....Then came Angelica Ysabelle, after 2 years of laborious conception ( I had two abortions before she was finally given by God to us ). We considered her precious because I expereienced a lot of anxiety from the moment she was being conceived up to the time of her delivery. It was my first time to have a daily every 6 hours of Heparin injections ( thanks for the heplock, though I needed to change it frequently, so that meant frequent intravenous insertions...it's not fun to have yourself being pierced so often, you know... ). I was worried about the complications, like bleeding, strokes, etc...but I had to use heparin, or else I'd lose her...after her birth we had to leave her at the nursery intensive care unit because she developed jaundice. It was a heartbreaking experience for a mom; all I could do then was to call up the hospital as often as possible and visit her as frequent as we could...At last, we brought her home after 5 days of anticipation. She was a fussy but cutie baby. She was a cry-baby, always crying at night, or if she wanted to play with me, she'd use her wailing! I called her the "attention seeker" while Justin was the "cool li'l guy"! Both of them turned my world upside down, in a winsome way... nevertheless, they both made my life so wonderful. I cherish every moment that I spend with them.